Are you ready for some football? As many have heard, the College Football Playoff Committee selected four teams yesterday to compete for the 2018 College Football Playoff National Championship: Clemson, Oklahoma, Georgia, and Alabama. College football fans erupted either in cheers of delight or jeers of anguish.
Many have wondered whether the Committee made the right selections. Should the Committee have selected those four squads? The answer, quite clearly, is “no.” After a careful analysis, here are the four teams that clearly should have been selected to play for the national championship:
First, it’s clear that Harvard should have been selected. Although Harvard only finished the season at 5-5, Harvard is known as being the best at EVERYTHING. Simply put, if you go to Harvard, you are simply the best. Harvard’s magic pixie dust rubs off on you and automatically makes you vastly more amazing than everyone else. Not surprisingly, Harvard is highly accredited in football, having officially won 12 prior national championships — although it honestly should have won every prior national championship simply by virtue of being Harvard. Under the circumstances, we are astounded that Harvard has been denied the opportunity to play for the national championship this season. Harvard is about equal opportunity. It should not have been denied equal opportunity here.
Similarly, just as Harvard deserved to be selected, Yale deserved to be selected as well. Yale is commonly recognized as the #2 university in the world behind Harvard. Although technically Yale finished with a superior 9-1 record this season, Yale is still obviously second-best to Harvard — but clearly better than everyone else. Known as the “Gay Ivy,” Yale adds much needed diversity, particularly on the LGBT front. As ESPN’s coverage of the Michael Sam episode reveals, LGBT issues are extremely important in college football. Notably, both Hillary and Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton both graduated from Yale Law School. Although Hillary flunked the bar exam and Bill was subsequently disbarred, Yale’s amazing alumni roster shows that it is clearly among the best at everything, including college football. Notably, Yale has won 27 prior national championships in college football — far more than any of the teams selected this year. Yale undoubtedly deserves to play for another one this year.
The third choice was a close call — Princeton or Columbia? We went with Columbia. Both are Ivy League superpowers. Although Princeton has 28 prior national championships compared to just one for Columbia, Princeton is way too WASPish for our “hot-sauce-in-a-handbag” taste. Columbia is much edgier and more diverse. Moreover, Columbia finished the season at an excellent 8-2 while Princeton limped to a pathetic 5-5 record — making Princeton clearly undeserving of a spot in the national championship. Notably, Barack Hussein Obama attended Columbia University at the undergrad level. That means Columbia is clearly the best at everything. Columbia undoubtedly deserves to play for the championship as well.
Finally, we selected Howard University for our final spot. Known as the “Black Harvard,” Howard is just as good as Harvard at everything — only better. In selecting schools, we also needed a diversity pick to meet the mandatory 25% quota for oppressed People of Color. Although Howard only finished at 7-4 this season and has never won a national championship, Howard is a historically black university and is based in the #1 ranked city in the country — Washington, D.C. Everything from Washington, D.C. is good, including Howard. Howard should undoubtedly be in the playoffs as well.
The facts could not be any clearer: Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Howard deserve to play for a national championship. We demand that the College Football Playoff Committee remedy the situation immediately.
IT IS A TRAVESTY THAT ALL 4 TEAMS SELECTED ARE FROM TRUMP STATES!
Some of these facts are triggering.
First off, Princeton is the best university in the US nearly every year for the past 20 according to the most significant rankings.
However, jews are NOT as significantly overrepresented at Princeton, comprising maybe 14% of enrollment, so they CLEARLY have a problem with anti-semitism and it is one of the great injustices that this HOLOCAUST is being permitted to occur!
Columbia is way better with 20+% jews. As for Harvard, I hear that this is the EPICENTER of white privilege, so I don’t know how a place of RACIST institutions like math and science can EVER be considered great at anything. If we would simply BAN math, BAN science, and BAN reading at beyond a 4th grade level ALL races could then be equal!
See? It’s THAT SIMPLE. We need a LEVEL society and diversity is well-known for leveling everything in its path; we NEED MORE DIVERSITY NOW and the elimination of racist things like “education,” which is a dog whistle for white institutional racism.
It is within the power of society to eliminate racial inequality NOW by eliminating just a few things that favor whites. Why are we not having this serious conversation?
US News is effectively the canonical ranking of higher education, having been doing it forever
Just the fact that Harvard is being persecuted but Trumps DOJ in a racial discrimination lawsuit over their affirmative action policies should give them a pass straight to the championship game.
However Trump apologist Alan Dershowitz from Harvard keeps quoting “laws” in an attempt to defend him so unless they fire that ambulance chaser they don’t deserve a spot at all.
I totally agree. Harvard is definitely the world’s best university. Those MIT nerds and Cambridge scientists can’t compete with Harvard’s doctors and humanities graduates. From the “shrieking girl” video, it looks like Princeton is pretty good too, as it’s almost all people of color. Whites are so stupid. Why does affirmative action even allow them to study at all? In South Africa, only blacks are allowed to study, along with a couple of token white womyn. Even though whites supposedly built the universities. America needs to ban whites from studying too, and make all universities safe spaces for people of color. It’s NOT OK to be white! Saying it’s ok to be white is triggering for people of color!
Male students at Howard have much larger endowments.
BLM,
Why are you black people always bragging about endowment?
I had little say in my genetics and some say it’s not size that counts!
MDB is being his usual humble self, so let me say it on his behalf. It is a traversty beyond belief that Portland Community College was not selected. After all, just where would we be without CRT studies? Exactly.
Thanks Pbier. I wanted to mention it, but I felt guilty for putting my own university out there. It’s saddening that a university of such high acclaim as Portland Community College, with its world-renowned Critical Race Theory department, is not on the list. Here’s a video of a recent lecture at PCC:
I really miss that place.
Clearly the College selection committee are all KKK members and white racist Supremacist!
Where are all these schools located? The South!
Where is the KKK from? The South!
Where are All White Racists From? The South!
Where are All White Supremacists from? The South!
Where Did Trump give his latest speech? The South!
They may as well be flying the Confederate flag with these picks!
Sorry- I must correct you. White racists are from everywhere. All white people are racist, it is in the original definition of the term as either coined by Trotsky (Bronstein) or Hirschfeld.
I’m boycotting football 100% until the last miserable protester-player kowtows to Trump.