The Age of Yellen – A New Landmark for Women's Rights

The appointment of Janet Yellen as Fed Chairwoman marks the first female appointment to this esteemed economic position. This is a pivotal event for women’s rights, marking the end of an almost 100 year period of male dominance at the Reserve Bank. For almost a century our economy has been denied the sensible and prudent input of women, and sadly our economy is still dominated by misogynistic CEOs, engineers and managers despite the fact that women excel in academia with the exception of the archaic patriarchal hard sciences. Many feminists believe that the only solution to gender equality is to mandate that employers give women a chance in the workplace, and our government is starting to lead the way by opening up the most powerful positions to female candidates. Now that Yellen has assumed the most influential economic position in America, many analysts are wondering what female monetary policy will look like and what this means for the global economy.

A Calmer Market

Women have a much smaller appetite for risk than men. I expect Chairwoman Yellen to seriously dampen the hopes of outspoken hawks on the FOMC. This will create a safe predictable investing environment for equity and bond investors by marking an end to the tightening scares that frequently wreck havoc in the markets. The markets are in desperate need of consistency and predictability. Our steadily rising stock market has done wonders for the global economy and opened up the market to everyone, allowing even retail investors with a modest understanding of investing to get a decent return. I predict that Yellen’s monetary prudence will restore balance to the markets, allowing investors and entrepreneurs to invest confidently without worrying about “tail risks” or liquidity scares.

An End to Cowboy Capitalism

With steadily rising equity markets and reliably low interest rates, you can expect our economy to boom in years to come. But for the risk taking cavaliers out there, I’m afraid Yellen has some bad news. Janet Yellen is fiercely opposed to excessive risk taking and promises to take uncompromising actions against those who choose to abuse our economic recovery. Women do not have the same risk-taking tendencies that plague our clumsy male-dominated economy. Women are far less likely to make dangerous decisions or offend peoples’ expectations. Expect to see a universal calming influence on the global economy and an end to the rash decision making that characterized the 2008 market crash.

Economic Gender Equality

Sexism in politics is arguably the cause of many if not the majority of our economic problems. Girls excel at public schools and comprise the majority of college campuses, so it makes little sense that the economic landscape should be controlled almost exclusively by men. Monetary policy needs the cool headed sense and the calm decisiveness of women, but all it gets is the oafish act-first think-later attitudes of immature men. Wall Street’s Gung-ho risk taking attitudes need to be tempered by female prudence and calm consideration. If we as a society do not take the demands of feminists seriously it may well be we, not they, that suffer the consequences. Gender equality doesn’t stop at employment – if we want to experience the true benefits of an equal society we need to start offering up the most powerful positions in government and at our Reserve Bank to those who have been denied these opportunities for centuries.

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