No Need to Vote – Hillary Has This in the Bag

75
1290


Today is the day that the American people can finally make their voices herd. Millions of Americans will be voting to let the establishment know what they think of Trump’s racism, sexism, xenophobia, misogyny, bigotry, demagoguery and transphobia, and to express their unequivocal support for our first female President. Last minute accredited polls are indicating a solid victory for Hillary, even with a small voter turnout. Her support is so overwhelming that she is predicted to win comfortably even if many of her supporters stay home and relax today.

Trump’s last minute tour around the country smacks of desperation, as Hillary puts up her feet and rests, having already convinced a vast majority of informed and sensible Americans to vote for her. Trump’s goons are already surrounding the voting booths across the country, engaging in mass voter intimidation under the guise of conducting ‘exit polls’. But fortunately, the UN has sent accredited monitors to keep these right wingers in line and ensure that they do not harass women and minorities by asking for voter IDs.

The vote counting this year will be conducted by a variety of reputable companies, many of which are controlled by the philanthropist George Soros, who has vowed to make sure this years’ election is clean and fair. Frustrated Trump supporters continue to accuse ‘the establishment’ of rigging the vote for Hillary, but numerous experts in the accredited media have discredited these conspiracy theories. And Russia’s attempts to rig our elections using the stolen and modified Wikileaks documents continue to fall on deaf ears, as the accredited media rightfully ignores and sidelines these subversive documents.

Happy, smart and informed Hillary voters will turn out en masse today to vote for their candidate, and nothing can be done to stop them. This is a movement – a movement to finally put a stake through the heart of right wing bigotry and modernize America once and for all. We want universal healthcare, open borders, a living wage, and real action to tackle climate change. We want whites to pay reparations and check their privilege, and we want violent conservative males to turn in their guns and join the 21st century. This movement has reached a tipping point, and nothing can stop us. If it’s cold out, and you don’t feel well, then don’t worry – it’s OK to stay home. Hillary has this wrapped up, and you can rest assured that you will be welcomed tomorrow morning with a Hillary victory.

Please support MillionDollarBonus on Patreon
jfb

We need to stop those who stlll pretend that the system is rigged. Why not proposing a position to Mike Pence in Hillary’s government? He already implicitely admited that Trump was a Russian paid agent when he agreed during an interview that there was a growing involvment of Russia to hack the DNC in order to favorize his mentor. A unity government could be useful to isolate Trump further and destroy the pretentions that the politcal system is rigged

MillionDollarBonus_

I don’t think there’s any need to compromize – every accredited poll shows that we’re leading comfortably. I think we can safely sit back and rest assured that Hillary will win. I follow multiple accredited news sources every day, and from reading these I get the sense that we are going to win easily.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

I can vouch for this from my own reading. Every accredited news article today virtually ignores Trump and reports instead on how great Hillary is. Come to think of it, that’s been the case for weeks now except for when Trump says something sexist/ racist/ transphobic etc.

MillionDollarBonus_

Exactly. I also hear that there is going to be a record voter turnout this year, and this is clearly because of how much people like Hillary. All these new voters will be voting Hillary, guaranteed – how else do you explain the multiple accredited polls predicting a Hillary victory?

fx
fx

Well, how do you explain it? Groupthink and pro-Clinton bias, a deep-rooted hatred against Trump and his supporters – how’s that for a start?

Oh, and thanks MDB, who knows, given your insane reach and popularity out there, maybe you and your ilk were the ones who single-handedly made 7 million Obama voters do not vote Killery this time?! just kidding, of course.
Anyway, great job, keeping your three followers from voting the shillary! you da man!

King Leon
King Leon

Please come back, we miss you.
From all the crew at ZH.

Devi
Devi

This is hilarious. Spot on caricature of the democrat sjw. Thankfully we’re not all democrats. Many of us who have a deep concern for social and environmental justice are “woke”. We’re not all as mindless and robotic as this. But, touché. And if you’re serious… wtf, mate?

Hilary

There is nothing “caricature” about this site. We’re a little disappointed that someone with a deep concern for social and environmental justice would be so offensive as to call all the hard work that goes into this a joke.

TheHappiestMerchant

i cant believe i need an ID to get a gun but you dont need an ID to vote. Remember when Bonobo said that illegal immigrants could vote without fearing deportation? Pepperidge farms remembers.

MillionDollarBonus_

So you don’t think undocumented Americans should be able to vote? Please go back to zerohedge you disgusting bigot!

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

Can’t we just drone this guy?

trav777

I voted today…and they asked me for ID!

Clearly this is progress as I am a white male with immense privilege and supremacy. They checked it with a computer and then handed me a ballot.

I didn’t vote for Hillary because she’s so far ahead that she will easily win without my vote and I wanted to give moral encouragement to the 3rd and 4th party candidates to continue to provide viable alternatives just in case there is not a deserving democrat on the ticket, which should ought to be never!

CNN etc. have basically already called this for Hillary, 50 states to 0. Trump will be lucky to get one elector. And whoever that elector is should have his career destroyed for supporting a racist misogynist xenophobic transphobic claustrophobic candidate. He’s a phobe of nearly everything right and good about America.

MillionDollarBonus_

But requiring voter IDs specifically targets minorities and women because they are the least likely to have them! I’m shocked at they asked for your ID? Where was this? Some backward hick state?

MillionDollarBonus_

I’ll file a complaint now. Yes – no-one is illegal! Undocumented Americans have the same rights as documented Americans!

Hilary

Listen you petty bourgeoisie wrecker your racist hate speech is not welcome. The world is changing and your types have no place in it. If you can’t learn to embrace the rainbow future you’re not going to fare very well once Hillary is president.

The government is going to regulate against your hate speech – get used to it.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

I don’t want to contradict you comrade, but real prosperity is about more than just asset values. It is measured by:

Equality instead of inequality. If every single American* earned exactly the minimum $15 minimum wage, this is more prosperity than a concentration of wealth in the hands of the 1%.
Cultural enrichment. We, as a nation, are ‘pigment paupers’ as there are not enough non-whites to go around. 50% non-whites should be a minimum target
Common ownership: too much of the nation’s wealth is held privately. Let’s nationalise all the industries so that the people own everything. That is true prosperity.

Anyway, just a few ideas to generate real prosperity. By the way, Trump is not even all that skilled in making a personal fortune. It has taken him many many years to get where he is today. Many years ago, Hillary was able to use far superior skill to turn a mere $1,000 into $100,000 in just one year through clever dealing in cattle futures.

jfb

@BLM: It is such an ideal world that you describe. But you leave out of the equation a conflict with Russia. We can’t tolerate the emergence of a nationalist nation that promote conservative values, plus the fact that they are impeding any progress in Syria. Before to put in place all those progressive changes that could lead to protests, the priority no.1 in 2017 will be to liberate Iran, Russia and Syria. I’m sure that everything will go well and that those who claim that the US army is overstretched or that Hillary can’t take a suicidal decision will be proven wrong.

jfb

“can’t take a suicidal”. Sorry, I meant “can take”. The whole military is behind Hillary and everything will be fine.

MillionDollarBonus_

If our military is overstretched, we can simply admit more women, as they are grossly underrepresented in the marines, navy and airforce. And besides, we have nukes, and Hillary isn’t afraid to use them.

MillionDollarBonus_

This election is a game changer. Let’s also not forget about the most important issues – rights for the LGBTQ community and an end to transphobia. Hilary needs to mandate 71 bathrooms for every institution, public and private. This will also help boost our economy by attracting millions of talented trans people from all over the world and creating a friendly productive work environment where everyone feels welcome.

And with Hillary in office we will finally be able to take on Putin, and launch full scale nuclear war against the Russians. This will also help boost our economy, while achieving our foreign policy goals overseas, such as liberating Syria and Iran.

We also need to do something about the FBI, which has a lot Russian traitors trying to sabotage Hillary and undermine our progressive democracy. We need to find and eliminate all traitors within the FBI, so that we have an intelligence agency that works for us, not against us.

MillionDollarBonus_

Yup that too. Hillary needs to end the racist prosecution of minorities for a variety of crimes of desperation. African Americans and Hispanics commit crimes because of their oppressive pasts and because of lack of opportunity. Hillary needs to release all prisoners of color, and pass an executive order to impose a moratorium on arrests or prosecutions of people of color.

MillionDollarBonus_

The increased aggregate demand from all these undocumented and newly documented Americans will also boost our economy, and for most people their house is their most valuable asset, so increased house prices will make us richer. And now that some Democrats are admitting that the ACA needs improvement, our politicians are for the first time seriously considering a single payer healthcare system. It seems like the stars are aligning for progressives, and this really may be our chance to finally overthrow capitalism and bring in a new world order which provides every citizen of the world with compassion and freedom, and ends climate change once and for all. When we stop burning fossil fuels, the climate will not change for thousands of years into the future, as anthropogenic CO2 is the only thing significantly affecting the climate.

trav777

Once we raise the minimum wage to $15 and eliminate tipping in restaurants because of fairness (why should a good waiter be paid more than a rude one??) we can pave the way to eliminate waiters and bartenders! Nearly all of the jobs created in the Obama recovery have been in this sector and part-time jobs while we have lost evil manufacturing jobs that pollute the environment. But there is more work to be done. Waiting tables is like slavery…why should we be pushing people further under the heel of white supremacy like that? Robots and kiosks are now replacing workers (as has happened in the EU) because they are cheaper. This is liberating all of those forced to work in these degrading professions and allowing them massively more free time for other pursuits! Win win!

MillionDollarBonus_

That’s why I support the Venus Project which will create robots that take care of us and provide us with a living wage, so we don’t have to work. People of color will then also out-breed whites because resources will be infinite.

Brewing
Brewing

I felt a real sense of pride when I was working the phones at a “Get Out The Vote” calling campaign last night in Oklahoma City. The overwhelming support for Hillary here in Oklahoma will certainly insure that she will win one of the most red states in the Union! We already know from the accredited media that she is the most qualified presidential candidate this county has ever known. From her outstanding military strategy in Benghazi, to the credible job she did as a lawyer for a rape defendant or the amazing job she did mothering her daughter (a certain lock someday to lead this country like her mother) I’M WITH HILLARY! Please people, don’t waste your vote on Donald Trump because we will forever be in the dark ages. Hillary is the only hope to unite us all!

MillionDollarBonus_

Texas is also predicted to vote for Hillary – Trump is so unpopular that Hillary is even winning the red states!

With Her Real Good
With Her Real Good

Just got word that the Alaska vote count is already landsliding in Hillary’s favor – and polls haven’t even opened yet. She is killing it, even in the red states. This is so exciting – THE FIRST WOMYN PRESIDENT! I’M WITH HER!

With Her Real Good
With Her Real Good

Even though China and Mexico typically don’t vote in the US election, I understand what you are getting at. A win for Hillary is a win for the world!

Whoever has this economic idea that there are always winners and losers in the global market just does not understand the power of this first womyn president to change the world. But Hillary will also turn those ignorants into winners as well. Even though they make not like her know, they will grow to worship her.

Prosperity for all people, everywhere! STRONGER TOGETHER!

DON'T BODY SHAME ME!
DON'T BODY SHAME ME!

I can’t wait til this election is over, so we can go back to talking about police shooting black people 24/7. This conversation needs to be had all the time, always, and forever. It is so important that we have a national conversation about white privilege. The conversation – the conversation is critical! The conversation must continue!

MillionDollarBonus_

The time is long overdue for an honest conversation about race, in which white people check their privilege and beg people of color for forgiveness. Should people of color forgive white people for centuries of oppression of their people? Should white people be allowed to be the majority in any country where they can continue oppress people of color? These are the questions we need to discuss, and white people need to shut up and listen.

trav777

wrong. 24/7 is too much. We must make more time for the Holocaust. That is the most important event that has ever happened or ever will happen. 6 trillion jews died in that. Precisely that many in fact, and to assert even one less or more is a hate crime in many countries now.

The war on black lives by the police is certainly very important but we must Never Forget.

StandardRedneck
StandardRedneck

If Hillary wins, prepare for Trump vs. Kaine 2020.

Hilary

You just keep your hate speech to yourself Mr. Redneck please. BLM has done so much for us all that the least you can do is respect this safe space.

trav777

She nearly fell down getting off that plane yesterday because of ice on the tarmac.

JJ Luther
JJ Luther

Finally, an accredited article calling the race! There can never be too many safe spaces, and with our new president, even Syria–ALL of it–can be made safe via the no-fly (read SAFE) zone. It’s a beautiful (and progressive!) day, and I’m just sitting here soaking it up and relaxing in my house.

mjpl

That’s awesome!

MillionDollarBonus_

Thanks BLM. The Accredited Times aims to give a voice to progressives, and to emulate media titans like CNN, MSNBC and the Huffington Post, in order to spread the progressive message to every corner of the world. Electing Hillary is only the tip of the iceberg. After that, the real work begins. We need merge with the UN, pass the TPP to set up a global court of law above our supreme court, and set up a global central bank with a global currency, managed by the brightest Ivy League educated economists from around the world. It’s time for real change, and it’s up to all of us to make it happen.

MillionDollarBonus_

I’ve just got the results back from a last minute accredited poll conducted on 1000 random people. It looks like Hillary is leading by 20 points! This is going to be a record landslide!

Hilary

So exciting!!!!!!!!

MillionDollarBonus_

It makes sense though. Think about it – there is predicted to be a record voter turnout this election, and Hillary has been leading in every accredited poll. So that means all these new voters must be voting for Hillary! Of course it’s going to be a landslide!

Hilary

Donald Trump’s only future is in Russia. The government needs to strip him of his assets and deport him immediately following the Clinton landslide.

MillionDollarBonus_

Yes, and his accomplice Assange needs to extradited to America and put on death row. We need to make an example out of him. Trump’s deplorable voters need to be tried for treason too. Aiding and abetting Russia in electing a Russian spy to the presidency is a very serious crime.

Hilary

These pathologically recidivist right wing criminals are so subversive and dangerous we need to suspend due process and smash them with the full force of the law.

MillionDollarBonus_

Can you believe that Trump still refuses to pledge to accept the democratic vote?? Never before has a serious presidential candidate questioned the integrity of our election process! Trump really is absolutely deplorable!!

MillionDollarBonus_

Ok … this is quite scary. Accredited reports are coming out that the Russians are planning to hack our election and rig the results for Trump! Why do Trump supporters remain so confident even though all accredited polls are predicting Hillary landslide?? What are they planning???

http://www.npr.org/2016/11/06/500752397/how-a-hostile-nation-could-disrupt-the-u-s-election

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/oct/14/hillary-clinton-email-hack-russia-cybersecurity

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-37117414

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/23/opinions/elections-hacks-russia-warning-zegart/

MillionDollarBonus_

That’s a relief, but we need to remain vigilant. The Russians will stop at nothing to elect Trump and undermine our democracy. If Trump wins, we need to launch an investigation into Russian hacking.

Hilary

What’s also scary are the multiple reports coming in of Trump’s goons body shaming trans gender people out of voting.

I feel sick.

MillionDollarBonus_

That’s absolutely disgusting. I’ve heard that Trump supporters are the most transphobic group of people in the world, but this a whole new level of transphobia. Are the UN monitors not protecting them?

Hilary

If there were any problems with the integrity of the election process President Obama would have fixed them. He’s the best president ever and fixed the economy and that’s complicated.

MillionDollarBonus_

CNN has a great app that lets you determine whether you’re for Hillary or Trump. Each section has a video explaining the issues facing the next president, such as Russian aggression, the humanitarian crisis in Syria, and human rights abuses of undocumented immigrants, and then it asks you whether you support Hillary’s position or Trump’s position on the issue. I was with Hillary on every question.

http://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2016/politics/global-headaches/

MillionDollarBonus_

Some of the questions don’t allow you give ridiculous answers like “no”. For example the available answers to “would you support a NATO-backed invasion of Russia” and “do you think removing Gaddafi was a good idea” are “Yes” and “Maybe”.

JJ Luther
JJ Luther

That does sound like a great app. A lot of people probably don’t know they are with Hillary until they go through the questions and see what kindred spirits they are. It’s also great that “no” is not an option for the Gaddafi snafu (that guy had no regard for America and our goals for his country!).

I think they should do the same thing with the voting machines–not allow certain choices to show up, or else a lot of voters might just screw around and make a bad choice.

Hilary

It looks like the Chinese may also be helping the evil Putin rig the election.

4chan may have brought down pro-Clinton phone lines the day before the election.

http://www.theverge.com/2016/11/8/13562868/4chan-clinton-election-hack-phone-dialer-ddos

I wouldn’t put it past them – they hate Hillary’s progressive feminism.

MillionDollarBonus_

Those horrible racists at 4chan are known Trump supporters. We need internet regulations now to shut these people down! Websites that promote hate speech should not be allowed to exist!

Hilary

You are so correct MDB – once the election hate dies down I’ll get to work on an article setting out why sensible internet regulation must be implemented without delay.

Hate speech must be stopped.

MillionDollarBonus_

Excellent! The internet is absolutely crawling with hate speech and anti-government conspiracy theories that undermine world peace and progressive values. Thankfully Obama has agreed to hand over the DNS to the UN, which has no first amendmen and can therefore impose global internet regulations to curb hate speech!

just az i am

I can confirm this accredited story, as I was working the phones for Hillary in Oklahoma last night. Our phones went out for about an hour. Once our phones came back up, I received an inbound call which is unusual. Someone was wanting to order a #5 to go, so I knew the Chinese had messed something up big time. Fortunately, we finally got things back to normal and we could continue to spread the word about how Hillary is going to save the world!

Hilary

Thank’s just az i am – it’s the quick verification of reports that make the Accredited Times a world leader in facts.

Hilary

With such a balanced writer and quite simply the best editor ever, Million Dollar Bonus, you can trust every thing you read here – apart from the nasty hate speech that alt right trolls continue to post in the comments thread. Can we do something about these hateful liars?

MillionDollarBonus_

Thanks for the kind words! I tolerate these right wingers here because they need to be educated – I’m sorry to all the people who find their comments distressing. When internet regulations are imposed by the UN, they’ll be banned from every site anyway.

Hilary

Yes you’re correct to temporarily tolerate them (you are a vary caring person) temporarily. Once we do enough activism to get sensible internet regulation through we can turn our focus to getting these right wingers the help and re-education that they clearly need – in a safe environment.

Lux_reader
Lux_reader

If it is a reply to a reply to a reply, the column becomes so narrow that I cannot read it. Is it because of my white privilege? MDB, get down and fix it!

Pizza Boys For Trump
Pizza Boys For Trump

it doesnt matter – only 3 people post here anyway – all staff… nothing accredited about this place

Hilary

Listen Mr. Boys for Trump you keep your hateful lies to yourself (your verging on outright hate speech which is illegal). I’ve worked hard for my accreditation, the editor here is one of the most respected in the business, and the Accredited Times are where a lot of the mainstream media go for a scoop. I know as I also work for a large newspaper that is owned by Morgan Stanley and it doesn’t come more accredited than that.

MillionDollarBonus_

It’s how wordpress.com’s comments work unfortunately. I need to move the entire site off wordpress.com, which I plan to do at some point.

Hilary

Great point BLM but many of these platforms have been infected by Trump/KGB hackers. Just yesterday when we ran our accredited petition (on ipetition) to have Trump sent to Siberia and Pussy Riot play at the Clinton inauguration – KGB hackers slowed the signature ticker down so it took a full three hours to get the targeted 800 signatures. I know it for a fact as the notion is so popular and the amount of traffic on both the Accredited Time and the other popular left sites at the time would suggest that we should have got the target in no more than an hour.

Hilary

Do you really think that it’s a good idea to spread Russian (read enemy) propaganda in a time so crucial to safety of the world. Well you might get away with it while the election chaos is happening but rest assured that following the Clinton landslide – traitors will be held to full account.

Hilary

You have been warned Mr. Redneck!

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

What will become of Obama once this is done? I hope he gets to enjoy some golf for a change, which I understand he used to play before becoming president of the world.

jfb

I know my grandmother is voting for Clinton. My idiot brother want to talk to her and try to change her mind but she’s been dead for 25 years.

Burger Breath

All of my grandparents switched parties after they died.

caotama
caotama

I copied and pasted this quote from The Guardian, from where I get all of my accredited information. The author has no parents even, but still can make her voice heard. I’m sure we all, Dear readers, feel the same.

We treated his campaign as if it were an extension of his reality show. We tuned in, we clicked links, we laughed. For months so many of use did not take it seriously. We joked about his hair, wife, family, business and tweets. He gained coverage, notoriety, traction as a serious candidate to so many jaded and marginalized citizens. “Make America Great Again” is the slogan of those who feel they have less because others have gained and asked for more. As a black female I occupy a unique corner of American society. Despite having no parents, I went to college. A Trump win is a loss to me. My ancestors had to fight so hard for the rights I have, rights Trump voters believe I have no claim to. How much harder will I have to fight? My children? Grandchildren? My friends? The only positive I can see is that we can no longer as a country deny the systematic and social racism, sexism and patriarchy.

Mariah, Pennsylvania

Joey
Joey

Is this satire?

Hilary

How dare you suggest that our progressive ideas are a joke Joey – you’ve got a lot of growing up to do.

wpDiscuz