Charles Fourier: The Father of Feminism

Brook Farm, Massachusetts (Accredited Times) — The accredited media has given us so much.  Bronies, furries, Pelosis — I could go on and on.  But perhaps most important of all are the feminazis.  They’re loud, proud, and unplowed, thank you very much.  And, no, you better not open the damn door!

But, sadly, few feminists know the origins of their creed.  So I, in a charitable spirit, shall enlighten the womyn of the world.  Hopefully, this knowledge can unite womyn in the cause of TROOF against the evil male pigs who seek to oppress them.

Feminism’s Socialist Origins

Feminism originated in the mind of one of the heroic founders of socialism, Charles Fourier.  In 1808 — over a century before Hillary Clinton hatched — Fourier stated that a society’s development depended on the liberation of womyn.  In 1837, Fourier coined the term “feminism” (“féminisme” in French).  Fourier strongly advocated for the rights of womyn and regarded society to have unfairly placed womyn in a position of slavery.  He actively rejected “Patriarchal” society.

So who exactly was Charles Fourier, and what did he believe?  Fourier was not only the Father of Feminism, he was also one of the Founding Fathers of Socialism.  Fourier championed socialism well before Karl Marx, Pol Pot, or even Bernie Sanders.  Fourier also actively advocated for the creation of Israel with the assistance of the prominent Rothschild family, hoping “to emancipate, to reconstitute the Israelite nation, to reestablish in Jerusalem a Jewish monarch, with his own flag, consults and diplomatic ranking.”  Israel is America’s most important ally today.

In 1843, Ralph Waldo Emerson published an account of Fourier’s feminist socialism in the transcendentalist publication The Dial.  The article, entitled Fourierism and the Socialists, described socialism as “the perfection of arrangement,” a “sublime mechanical philosophy,” and a “wonderful” idea whose “merit” “was that it was a system” and “that it had not the partiality and hint-and-fragment character of most popular schemes.”

Emerson himself expressed some skepticism of Fourier’s overall plan, but The Dial‘s influential managing editor, George Ripley, loved it — and had even taken steps at that point to implement it.  In 1841, Ripley and other intellectuals set up a socialist colony called “Brook Farm” in Massachusetts.  Initial settlers included writer Nathaniel Hawthorne, among other luminaries.  At Brook Farm, Ripley took over the Fourierist magazine, The Phalanx, which was renamed The Harbinger in 1845.

Sadly, Brook Farm collapsed shortly after its founding.  Orestes Brownson, a transcendentalist intellectual, said that “the atmosphere of the place [was] horrible” — no doubt referring to capitalist counter-revolutionaries who had undermined the socialist paradise, just as they have sought to do in Venezuela.  By the mid-1840s, Emerson himself had even become an open counter-revolutionary.  “The country members naturally were surprised to observe that one man ploughed all day and one looked out of a window all day… and both received at night the same wages,” he wrote.  Hawthorne quit after complaining that communal living resulted in him having “no quiet at all” to write and that his hands were covered “with a new crop of blisters — the effect of raking hay.”  The socialist colony collapsed shortly after twenty-six Brook Farmers became infected with smallpox because of poor sanitary conditions, again undoubtedly caused by capitalist pigs.

But just because socialism failed when carried out by highly dedicated intellectuals in the United States does not mean that socialism would fail when carried out globally.  Fourier, in fact, had dreams of taking his “feminist” socialism globally.  According to Fourier, socialist societies would arrange themselves in groups, which Fourier called “phalanstères,” a portmanteau of the French words for “phalanx” and “monastery.”  Socialists would then naturally appoint an “Arch-Phalanx” led by a ruler whom Fourier called the “Omniarch” — a global dictator, most probably staffed by the person most well versed in socialism.

With the rise of the Omniarch, Fourier believed that an era of “Perfect Harmony” would occur in which six moons would orbit the Earth, androgynous plants would copulate, and every womyn would have four husbands to service her needs.  Modern feminists, of course, understand that womyn don’t need men at all, but Fourier’s promotion of polyamory for womyn was decades ahead of his time.

The Omniarch of Feminism and Socialism

According to Fourier, the Omniarch — the global dictator of feminism and socialism — would most certainly be based in “Constantinople” (i.e., Istanbul), which Fourier believed to be the natural capital of the globe.  It’s unclear exactly why Fourier believed Constantinople to be the natural capital of the globe, but perhaps he believed Constantinople to be superior because it straddles both Europe and Asia and because Emperor Constantine, the first Catholic emperor, transferred his capital from Rome to the city (then known as Byzantium) in 330 A.D. and designated it officially as Nova Roma (Νέα Ῥώμη), i.e., “New Rome.”

At the time, many socialists viewed this would-be “Omniarch” as the Messiah of the Bible — a hero or heroine who would spread feminism and socialism globally.  Many believed Fourier to be the natural Omniarch given his knowledge of feminism and socialism, just like the star Womyn’s Studies students at Harvard and Yale today.  At a dinner in honor of Fourier’s birthday, one Brook Farmer even proposed a toast to “Fourier, the second coming of Christ.”  Brook Farmers happily toasted and cheered in ecstasy.

Population Control and Climate Change

Fourier was also one of the Founding Fathers of Population Control and Climate Change.  Fourier accurately predicted that global population would increase exponentially — to 5 billion by the late 20th century.  He also noted that his “new order” would provide a “very effective means to prevent [an] excess of population” and “to reduce the number of inhabitants of the globe to a just proportion between means and needs.”   As the Georgia Guidestones make clear, total population should be kept under 500 million.

In his work, The Theory of the Four Movements (1808), Fourier predicted that the years preceding the Omniarch’s reign would result in a “crown” forming around the Earth’s atmosphere, particularly around the Northern Hemisphere, and that the crown would cause “boreal fluid” to acidify seawater until it becomes a “kind of lemonade.”  In other words, Fourier was predicting ocean acidification, but doing so in 1808!  Granted, Fourier was saying that the ocean would actually be real lemonade and that people could actually drink it, but still!

Why You Should Call Yourself a “Feminist”

So, ladies, hopefully now you see why you should embrace the term “feminism” forcefully.  Not only are you standing up against the Patriarchy, but you’re also standing up for a global Omniarch, for global population control, and for oceans of delicious drinkable lemonade.  For all of you male pigs, I hope you also learn something about what it means to be a real womyn’s rights activist.

Thanks to Charles Fourier, I can definitively say that I’m a proud feminist.  What’s your superpower?